“A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror” – Ken Keys
Mirrors have a very particular function. They reflect the image in front of them. Just as a physical mirror serves as a vehicle for reflection, so do all the people in our lives.
When we see something beautiful like a flower garden, that garden serves as a reflection. To see the beauty in front of us, we must be able to see the beauty within ourselves. When we love someone, it is a reflection of loving ourselves. We have often heard things like “I love how I am when I am with that person.” That simply means that I am able to love myself when I love that other person. Often when we meet someone new we feel as if we click, sometimes it is as if we have known each other for a long time. That feeling can come from sharing similarities, that is, personality, background, history, character traits, etc. We feel comfortable because a part of ourselves is reflected.
Just as the ‘mirror’ or another person can be a positive reflection, we are more likely to notice it when it has a negative connotation. For example, it is easy to remember times when we have met someone we are not particularly passionate about. We may have some criticism in our mind about the person. This is especially true when we meet someone with whom we would rather spend less time, rather than more.
Often when we don’t like other people’s qualities, ironically, it’s the mirror that speaks to us. Example: Several years ago, I joined a friend who had also invited other friends. One woman, ‘Laura’ continually dominated the conversation. Every time someone tried to introduce a thought or initiate a different thread, Laura always brought it back to her story. It was particularly annoying as I felt there were few opportunities to meet other people because Laura was constantly turning her attention back to herself. It wasn’t until several weeks had passed that I asked and couldn’t understand why I was so disturbed by Laura’s behavior since I didn’t have to be friends or spend more time with her. Finally, it hit me! When I was REALLY honest with myself, I saw aspects of those same traits in myself. I realized that the reason we met was so that I would lift the ‘mirror’ and see myself behaving in an unfavorable way.
So I started to question myself more every time I found someone I didn’t particularly like. Every time, I would ask myself “What is it about that person that I don’t like?” And then “Is there something similar in me?” In all cases, and sometimes I had to get very introspective, I could see a part of that quality in me. So what did that mean?
It means that just as I may be upset or upset when I notice that aspect in someone else, I had better re-examine my qualities and consider making some changes. Even if I am not willing to make a drastic change, I at least consider how I could modify some of the things that I am doing.
Sometimes we meet someone new and feel distant, disconnected, or upset. Although we do not want to believe it, and it is not easy or desirable to look further, it can be a great learning lesson to discover what part of the person is reflected in you. It is just another way to create more self-awareness.
INVITATION TO THE EXPERIMENT:
As you meet people, see if you can discover what part of you is reflected. If you notice negative qualities, see if you are willing to carefully observe that part of yourself. It is an opportunity for you to make a change for the better. At first, it may appear that there is no connection. After more introspection and giving it some time, you may figure it out.
