Not long ago I found myself (ex-cowardly) at a family dinner at a nice downtown restaurant. The waiter brought me what he had ordered (which was salmon by the way) and after a while I realized that it was not as cooked as I had asked for. I still finished my dinner but I certainly didn’t enjoy it that much. I thought about letting him know but my inner coward wouldn’t let me.
I am sure you have found yourself in a similar situation in the past. You want to talk, but something inside of you says you should play “nice.” But what if playing well ends up against you and makes people think you can’t defend yourself?
I’m not talking about being overly aggressive, but a certain amount of assertiveness will certainly earn you the respect of those around you. Perhaps even the admiration of the other gender.
So here are 6 easy steps to get rid of your inner coward that worked really well for me:
1. Start conversation. Although this may seem like a big hurdle to overcome, it really is easy. Start by talking to the people in the elevator. I wouldn’t recommend discussing anything personal, just casual conversation about something general. Personal comments will make you look weird and overly aggressive. Talk about something in your building or ask a question about the area where you live. Something on these lines. This will help you get over the inhibition of starting a conversation and give you confidence.
2. Look people in the eye. The only sign that will mark you as a coward is avoiding eye contact. It will appear that he is lying or has something to hide. It also works in the opposite way. Look people straight in the eye and the last thing they’ll think of you is that you’re weak or a coward. Now don’t overdo it and don’t stare for too long because it can turn against you.
3. The next time you walk down the street, raise your head and make eye contact. It may seem silly, but subtle signs like these can say a lot about your personality. They can not only affect the people around you, but also your own self-esteem. Again, avoid prolonged eye contact, but try looking at them until THEY decide to look away. Like a game
4. Express your wishes. Most of us who haven’t repressed our “inner coward” still think that expressing our desires will make us sound rude and aggressive. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Letting other people know what you think and what you want from them will not only make you appear honest, but also earn their respect. It’s okay to do what you want and avoid what you don’t like. But listen to them too and show respect for their wishes.
5. Don’t apologize too often. “Sorry, can I ask you something…” or “Sorry to bother you, but…”. There is nothing wrong with talking like that, except for the fact that you start a conversation by putting yourself in a lower position. How about being in an equal position? “Good morning, can I ask you something…” or “I realized that…” would make you sound more confident. These are subliminal messages that you pass on to the other person. He may not even realize why, but he’ll probably think you’re not a very strong character. STOP giving messages that make you look like a coward when you’re not!
6. Join the local gym. Not only will it make you look better and feel better about yourself. It will increase your adrenaline and make you more aggressive. If you think I’m wrong, try it and you’ll see why it will make you forget that you ever acted like a coward when you were NOT!
Last tip: don’t expect all those tricks to work just because you tried them once. Give it time. At least a month I would say. Building a stronger character can take a lifetime, but you will see yourself changing very soon and you will be PROUD of it.
