I’m the kind of grandfather I wanted when I was a kid…
It’s actually quite simple, my family was tight-knit, close-knit, and fun-loving, but my grandparents were present, involved, and active in my life. Well, two of them were…
Dad’s father passed away before I was born. Cancer stole it from her and left in her place a step-grandmother who was struggling mentally and emotionally during the time I knew her. Her mother was a different story, one that I probably won’t share beyond acknowledging that she existed on a very different plane that I would never have been able to understand. Her involvement in my life was minimal, by choice.
The grandparents who lived across the street during my youth were active, involved, and ‘grandparents’ in most cases. They appeared as if by magic whenever my parents needed support or wanted to see us. They worked in their garden early in the morning, and my first favorite memories are waking up to my grandmother whistling “Red Wing.” My grandfather worked in the store, worked in the garden, or randomly crossed the street to take my sister or me to her house to ‘work’ with him.
We spend many days helping Grandma prepare a meal, bake cookies or cakes, or sew new curtains, clothes, or some other craft. I learned to sew on a pedal machine next to my grandmother.
The road to being a good grandparent has many forks, and you can choose those forks as your grandchildren are born, as they grow older. The holder you choose will often determine your relationships with them, with your children or, later, with your great-grandchildren. I remember a lot of my parents’ friends saying, “I’m not the babysitter. I raised my own kids.”
Growing up, I knew I wanted to be involved, as a father and as a grandfather. He wanted to be the grandfather who stayed, had fun with the grandparents and showed up to events, parties and when necessary. He didn’t want to be there just for the good times, he also wanted me to be there when I was needed.
As a grandfather, I have seen all the options. I have even seen forks in the road where life could have taken a variety of turns. Every time… At every fork… I looked at the road ahead and chose to be an active part of my grandchildren’s lives. I chose to be an active part of my children’s lives.
Those choices will determine the path you take…and where that path takes you.
What kind of parent or grandparent do you choose to be?
