To bring out some urban legends, in fact all too often cited, first: Scientific research shows that the number of people with a traumatic history (abuse) within the erotic power exchange group is no different than any other group.
Given that the same research (European and American) indicates that between 20 and 50 percent of the population have a history of abuse, it can be safely said that the same is true of people with EPE, doms, and sub alike.
One important thing to note here is that the term “abuse” is as vague as “car accident” in the first place and, without a proper definition of what is considered abuse in a particular case, it is useless. Abuse, apart from the very obvious cases, is first of all a very personal perception on the part of the victim (which does NOT mean that it is a minor form of abuse, just that different people have different perceptions) and as such, as science and experts. I will readily admit, it is one of the hardest things to define in a more or less general format.
Another thing to remember here is that it is very important to make a clear difference between the different forms of abuse. Youth trauma cannot be compared to spousal abuse, rape is different for men and women and the worst thing to do is throw everything in one big pile. That is another reason why the term “abuse” is useless and empty, because it says so little (again, not to say that abuse is not bad).
And then there is the hardest nut to crack in this area. I know this is very likely to catch my eye here tremendously, but I’m going to do this anyway.
As some of you may know, I have been involved in quite a few BDSM related court cases and police investigations, either as a consultant or as an expert witness and have worked with various psychiatric departments of hospitals on the same subject. I say this so that you understand where I come from.
First of all: there has been a lot of research done, especially on the topic of erotic power exchange, sadomasochism and abuse. Much more than many of you seem to know. And much less stigmatized as many in the community seem to think. Especially in Europe, some universities (Heidelberg and Trier in Germany, Arhus in Denmark and Utrecht in the Netherlands) have entire departments of the faculties of Psychology and Psychiatry working on that and there is a lot of scientific material available if you take the trouble. to look for it. . A lot of that is available quite easily actually, though not always in English.
Having said that, there is a fairly common theory among researchers (take a bit of time to get here, so be patient).
Since Freud (but before that actually since Kraft-Ebing) the popular assumption was that submissives (masochists, yes, the damn terminology again) themselves more or less brought the abuse upon themselves by assuming the role of victim. naturally as a result of its inclination. . That theory was around for half a century and is unfortunately still used frequently.
Meanwhile, things have changed. One thing that has changed is that even American psychiatry these days makes a clear distinction between consensual adult sexual behavior (including erotic power exchange) and sadism / masochism. As far as MASOCHISTS (that is, sick people) are concerned, Freud’s theory still stands and, in the meantime, it is proven. However !!!!!!! There are not as many clinical masochists, as there are not as many clinical sadists.
So where Freud and others thought that everyone with a submissive bent was a masochist, these days everyone with reasonable and up-to-date knowledge on the subject (except for much of the epe-comminuty itself) for good reasons makes a clear It differentiates between sadism / masochism and dominance / submission and, as you can see, for very good reasons.
Clinical cases of both sadism and masochism are far beyond the scope of erotic power exchange, and that includes help and treatment. That is one of the reasons why there are so many warnings NOT to play therapist in an epe context. Since you are all amateurs at this (and that includes professionals who bring their profession into the bedroom), you are simply not qualified, if not for lack of professional distance, surely lack of knowledge and experience. If you “the healer” (being deliberately sarcastic here) meets a clinical masochist, all you do by letting him interpret your masochism is that you are rewarding wrong behavior that will only make things worse. The exact same thing happens when you meet a clinical sadist. It’s a lot like trying to teach your dog not to be afraid of fireworks by taking him onto your lap and petting him. By doing that, you are doing exactly the wrong thing: rewarding the wrong behavior, thereby increasing the fear instead of fighting it.
That is exactly what you do if you start developing masochistic fantasies with a clinical masochist. As I said, masochists, though few, are likely to “bring the abuse on themselves”, either because they want to, because they feel the need to be punished, or because they are looking for what they believe to be a safe. environment (knowing what abuse is and having been conditioned to live with it may feel safer than a normal life) or any other reason. There are many.
Submissive, however, is a completely different case. They do NOT bring the abuse upon themselves, but, and here is the more modern view, they do something else that can be just as dangerous (though understandable). Someone who has been abused will almost always try to find a reason, an explanation, something that satisfies his brain’s need for a logical explanation of what has happened. And that’s where discussions about erotic power exchange and abuse come in. A more modern theory is that those who already have a submissive bent (which is very likely largely genetically encoded) tend to look there for an explanation. For many, that makes the trauma bearable and can help them get through it or at least deal with it.
Although that is understandable, it is again a dangerous motivation, as it is the medicine that works (as in no medicine) for the wrong disease. Dealing with trauma should ALWAYS be done outside of an erotic power-sharing setting and especially if it involves sexual abuse, it should never be dealt with in a sexual context in the first place. Even if there is a theory of fighting fire with fire (which in cases like these is highly unlikely), that is still something that people should NOT participate in amateurishly, no matter how loving, caring, supporting, or understanding. His couple. perhaps. That partner can be extremely important but NOT in that area. Dealing with trauma, if someone cannot do it on their own (or on their own), always requires the help of a professional. Not primarily because of their knowledge and skills, but because of the need for professional distance to begin with.
Back on topic: abuse is too broad a term to play around with. No, there are no proven connections and yes, the community itself has a tendency to overemphasize abuse and seek explanations that do not exist, no matter how convenient they may seem.
This does not mean that we should not try to fight abuse in a violent and constant way.
