Why should family members be involved in the treatment process of their alcoholic/addicted family member? Let me count the shapes. The benefits of family treatment could go on and on, but here are eight good reasons.
1. You learn that you are not alone. The family dynamic of addiction and recovery is quite predictable. As the disease progresses for the addict, both he and his relatives become increasingly isolated. Shame also isolates and keeps a wounded group of survivors silent about the disease. Spouses and parents may also have a compulsion to secrecy to protect the addict from consequences that could affect the entire clan (ie financially, professionally, legally, etc.). Because the dynamics of addiction play out in silence and isolation, each person feels that they alone have experienced the shame, guilt, pain, sadness, loneliness, compulsion to take control, and self-doubt. sanity, which comes with addiction.
2. You have the opportunity to recover from your own pain. No one escapes unscathed from an alcoholic system. That does not happen. Any close group of people that has an addicted member is in pain. While family members of the addict focus on the bereaved’s pain and survival, they tend to ignore, downplay, or downplay their own pain. They are often unaware of the negative effects on their own lives. They are negatively affected not only by the addict’s behavior, but also by their own attempts to cope and solve the problem.
3. You have the opportunity to make decisions based on strength instead of fear and despair. The chaotic environment of the alcoholic home creates an acute stress reaction in all the residents of the home. Every member of the household tends to get stuck in “survival mode.” Decision making often occurs in the context of identifying the least harmful or least frightening options. Familiars are often caught between a rock and a hard place, with no attractive alternatives. In treatment, spouses and parents can identify alternatives they hadn’t previously considered and begin making decisions based on knowledge rather than emotion.
4. You have the opportunity to find yourself again. Spouses often complain that they have lost themselves in the process of their partner’s addiction. They discover that they have become people they not only never intended to be, but have become people they don’t like. They often realize that they have acted outside of their own value system, lying, manipulating, and shaming the addict into changing. In treatment, these spouses have the opportunity to learn new ways to communicate and solve problems with their addicted loved ones.
5. You have the opportunity to learn what is and is not your responsibility. In the treatment process, you can learn to let go of what is not yours to do. You have the opportunity to learn to be assertive and choose your own activities. You empower yourself to take responsibility for your own behavior while allowing others the dignity of being responsible for their behavior. Spouses often come to identify that they have been forced to “parent” their addicted spouse during active addiction. One of the most liberating aspects of family relationships is learning to let go of that.
6. You have the opportunity to learn about alcoholism and other drug addictions. Most people buy into some outdated ideas, myths, and stereotypes about alcoholics and addicts. The treatment dispels these myths. When family members go to “Family Week,” they meet people from all walks of life: bright, creative, charming people who are captains of industry, lawyers, doctors, mechanics, artists, house painters, houses, entrepreneurs, who are also alcoholics/addicts. Addiction is not respect for person or position. Old notions of who is and who is not an alcoholic/addict will be challenged. Incorrect information you may have learned from your family of origin (or others) about addiction being a “choice”, a “character problem”, or a “moral dilemma” will be replaced with actual data from the current knowledge base . You will have the opportunity to learn about the family dynamics of addiction and recovery so you know something of what to expect in early recovery. You will come to know and accept that your loved one’s addiction is not your fault and that you cannot make them relapse. The principles of cross-addiction, a very important concept in continuing recovery, are reviewed. You should also leave treatment armed with knowledge about the symptoms and the relapse process. This is essential information to have.
7. You will learn a new language. Important people who enter a treatment program for “Family Week” often comment that there seems to be a common language spoken in treatment and that they feel like the “uninitiated.” A common recovery language is helpful for the addict and family so that they can better understand each other. Otherwise, family members often feel abandoned or as if they are “outside looking in.”
8. You will also have the opportunity to learn about the principles of family dynamics and the qualities of family systems that operate to work against ongoing recovery. You will come to understand how the processes and characteristics of the system that evolve over time to incorporate illness into the balance and functioning of that system also operate to keep things the same in recovery. If only one person in the system receives help, it can be difficult for the person in recovery to maintain their positive changes in the midst of old family rules, roles, and established patterns.
Involving significant others in addiction rehab is not only important to the recovery of the addict and family members, but most family members leave the treatment center feeling hurt because they had the opportunity to experience addiction. the learning and healing process that was provided to them.
