Introduction
Have you ever heard or seen, parent-child? mother daughter; husband wife; boss-subordinates; brother-sister as friend? It may be so, but how often and how genuine. At the end of the day, the message is “mein tumhara baap hoon, jo mein kahta hoon, who karo” (I am your father, do what I tell you). I recently posted a query, “Can a grown man and woman be just friends?”, And the answers are shocking (read below). So, I say, friendship is a relationship of choice. But do you know the meaning of “FRIENDSHIP”, yes, you know, you have read in some newspapers and magazines, but what about applying the same?
Understanding friendship
Before we begin, I know, as you probably know, that a friendship can be an antidote to loneliness, depression, or even boredom. But it should be more than just an antidote to these problems. What are the qualities that lead to a strong friendship?
First of all, the friendship must be genuine. In friendships we reveal who we are and who we are capable of becoming. Friendships demand that we reveal ourselves without pretense or mask, without affection or deceit. GK Chesterton, aware of the risks involved in cultivating a solid friendship, summed it up when he said: “Friends are those with whom our faults are safe.”
Another necessary ingredient in cultivating a friendship is that one must be generous. Friendship is its own reward. Christ summed up the element of generosity when he said, “Greater love has no one than he who lays down his life for his friend.”
Another quality necessary for a friendship is that it be free. It is a free donation or offering from one person to another. Friendship is never marred by jealousy. There must be some freedom between the two friends. Otherwise, there could be the problem of possessiveness or even the suffocation of friendship.
Other qualities could be mentioned so that strong friendships can be cultivated. A sense of humor, charity, understanding, compassion are just some of the ingredients that must be cultivated for a solid friendship with the other.
Just one more thought on this topic. For many people in this world, life is cold, lonely, and hard. If they had a friend, their lives would not only be different, but happier. A friendship is a touch of heaven on earth. And you can bring a touch of heaven into someone’s life.
Friendship between man and woman
Therefore, strong friendships between a man and a woman are sometimes difficult to understand and accept, although our society more easily accepts relationships between two women or men. When a man and a woman shake hands in public, they are automatically assumed to be lovers. Friends are friends and lovers are lovers. Very few people are physically affectionate with their friends. People find it difficult to dissociate love from sex. If two people express love and affection, they are assumed to be lovers. The truth is quite simple: two people like each other, feel comfortable together, and a special bond of friendship develops between them.
Friendship is sometimes taken for granted and people are willing to give it up when they fall in love, want to get married, or are in a long-term relationship. Sexual or romantic love is assumed to be best and is therefore preferred.
There are factors that decide whether a man and a woman can be ONLY friends or not and we will discuss here, one after the other.
1) Your mental and emotional makeup: It takes a high level of maturity, understanding, and wavelength for any couple to keep that thought of intimacy away from their heart throughout the relationship.
2) Type of school and university in which you have studied: If you have studied in schools and universities of the “all boys or girls” type, there is a high probability that your relationship with your counterpart of the opposite sex is not clean and transparent. compared to those who have studied in the “Coeducation” system.
3) Number of friends with opposite genders: If you have more friends of the opposite sex, then there is a chance that your friendship with those people is clean … with any thoughts of intimacy compared to those who have one or only limited friends of opposite gender.
4) Family background: If the family is more orthodox, traditional, with a very strict value system … then also sometimes … there are chances that you cannot ONLY be friends with a person of the opposite sex.
5) Stage of life you are going through: If you are facing many rejections, emotional instability, frustration, a lot of struggle and if your performance is not appreciated by your bosses and colleagues … then you also try to find that comfort, that comfort by getting intimately involved … because you find acceptance and emotional comfort.
6) Profession in which you are and type of organization in which you work: As we have mentioned in one of the cases … if it is a company or department dominated by men or women … there are also people who tend to get involved with people of opposite genders.
7) Successful and happy married life and unhappy and unsuccessful married life: if you do not have a happy and successful married life … you are not getting the time, attention and affection that you want and if you have a opposite gender friend who is taking care, giving you time, affection and emotional support that there are also high possibilities of developing that intimate relationship … well above your thought of “FAIR” friendship.
Therefore, it is possible to be “ONLY” friends of people of the opposite sex and it depends on your maturity, mindset and need at that particular time. We can talk about our thoughts; our feelings, but the same cannot be said for the person of the opposite sex. You never know what your friend is talking about in his group of friends.
As for my personal experiences … I have many “friends” from different cities, different countries, from different age groups, married-single-single and now gender hardly matters to me. We discuss our experiences, go out to dinner, movies, and picnics and also provide amenities … if there are any issues on the professional and personal front. But, like I said before … I can tell how I feel, what I think … I can’t say with certainty what they feel and think.
If the sexual element is lost in a relationship, there is no friendship left and the couple withdraws in all respects. Rather than viewing sexual relationships as friendships, which includes sex, couples often view them as separate from any type of friendship. If people could break away from this tradition, they could be friends with their lovers and former lovers and enjoy close, happy, and meaningful relationships. This would also reflect a certain amount of growth and maturity of the personality.
My gift to all my friends for their friendship.
I love you not only for who you are,
but for what I am when I’m with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,
but because of what you make of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
I love you for putting your hand on my heaped heart,
And overlooking all the silly, frivolous and weak things
that you can’t help but vaguely see there,
and to bring to light
all the beautiful and radiant belongings,
that no one else had looked far enough to find it.
I love you for ignoring the fool’s chances
and weakened in me,
and to hold firmly
about the possibilities of good in me.
I love you for closing my eyes to the discords in me,
and for adding music to me by listening with adoration.
I love you because you are helping me
to make the wood of my life not a tavern but a temple,
and of my words every day is not a reproach, but a song.
I love you because you have done more
Of what any creed could have done to make me good
And more than fate could have done to make me happy
You have done it simply by being yourself.
Maybe that’s what it means to be a friend after all
Saying that, I never meant that, I will be giving you solutions for all your problems.
As a friend, you may not be able to provide solutions to all of life’s problems, doubts, or fears; But I can listen to you and together we can search for answers. I cannot change your past with all its anguish and pain, nor the future with its untold stories; But I can be there now when you need me to care
I can’t stop your feet from tripping. I can only offer my hand for you to catch it and not fall. Your joys, triumphs, successes and happiness are not mine; however, I can share your laughter and your joy.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make or judge; I can only support, encourage and help you when you ask me to. I cannot give you limits, which I have determined for you, but I can give you room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.
I can’t stop your heart from breaking and hurting, but I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place. I can’t tell you who you are. I can only love you and be your friend.
And every morning when you open your eyes, tell yourself that you are special. Every day, every minute, every second is a gift from God, you have to dance like no one is watching and love like it’s never going to hurt.
People say that true friends should always hold hands, but true friends don’t need to hold hands because they know that the other hand will always be there.
Conclution
“Friendship is the consolation, the inexpressible consolation of feeling safe with a person who does not have to weigh thoughts or measure words, but spills everything that is as it is, straw and grain together, sure that a faithful and friendly hand You will take them and sift them, save what is worth keeping, and, with a breath of comfort, dispose of the rest. “
Not only in Friendship but also in all relationships love is the engine that creates and sustains it. The kind of love that friends have is the desire to know, serve and share. It is the antithesis of lust: the desire to acquire, possess and control. It is what makes one want to connect with another human consciousness, intellectually, emotionally, and physically.
Unspoken doubts and suspicions are barriers that limit the possible depth to which a friendship can progress. Love allows friends to say how they feel about each other without inhibitions or fear of hurting each other’s feelings. In this way, it allows them to resolve their mutual doubts and suspicions, thus eliminating barriers and opening the way to a deepening friendship.
Because friends love each other, one never tries to force, coerce, or control the other to change for the better. One friend only informs the other of how they feel. Love will motivate the informed friend to change for the better. Because friends love each other, they will never be used as a means to an end, as a human resource to be used and abused for personal gain. A friend, like a precious sentient conscience, is an end in itself. That end is the joy of sharing experiences and mutual love.
Let me know what you have to say about it.
With much love and affection,
