One day last week, I had the luxury of a two-hour break between my many daytime appointments. Looking for a place to kill time, I saw a small cafe on the corner and decided to go inside.
It was past lunchtime, only a few tables had been filled, and the waitress showed me to a cozy booth. Pulling out my laptop and notebook (so I could pretend I was doing something useful), I noticed a couple sitting in a booth not far from me. Two things immediately struck me: their obvious age difference, and the fact that they were having what sounded like an argument about “gray hair.”
The woman was young, probably no more than 25 years old. And looking at her beautiful streaked blonde hair, it was obvious that the conversation wasn’t about her gray hair, but about the gentleman sitting next to her.
He was about 43 years old, tall, dark and handsome, with graying hair and the appearance of a very accomplished businessman. From the way he looked, one would never suspect that he was insecure about his hair or anything else. Yet here he was, trying to persuade his partner that he should dye his hair before the wedding.
I knew it shouldn’t “drip”. But like the daytime soap you watch with guilty pleasure, I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. The wedding was scheduled for next week, but the photos for the album had already been taken the week before. Frustrated and upset, the bride protested that it would be funny if he showed up to the wedding 20 years younger.
Just as she was about to break off their conversation, the groom-to-be announced that he was also considering a Botox injection before the big event. The horrified young woman could only stare at him in disbelief. I wanted to go over to her and comfort her, but of course I had to mind my own business.
Having daughters almost the same age as the bride-to-be, it made me uneasy to see a young woman marry a man who was embarking on his midlife crisis. Young, beautiful and naive, she had no idea what she was getting herself into.
I thought about my husband and our friends and the changes I have noticed between them. In many cases, men have become as obsessive about their appearance as their wives. I have also noticed that over the years their self-esteem has become as fragile as ours. Among my female friends, the topic of conversation has often turned to our husbands’ use of eye creams and hair dyes. Some have started using Botox to get rid of wrinkles while others are considering plastic surgery. The relentless media fixation on being skinny, fit and beautiful has always impacted women. Now it seems to be having an effect on our men as well.
Of course, “our” men are not 20 years older than us. My man married when we were both young and we grew up together, sharing the ups and downs of life. We raise children, take care of parents, fight disease, bury friends, build a business, lose a business, and start another in our next chapter of life.
We’ve been through it all. So when our husbands decide they want to dye their hair, buy a red sports car, or something like that, we know it’s just a phase we can both handle. Of course, it will be challenging and frustrating at times, but in the end it represents just one more step for both of us to overcome.
With years of experience behind us, the women of Fabulously40 can generally predict the outcome. Because we’ve come this far and become so much wiser, we know we need to let our men do their thing until they run out of steam and realize they’re just being silly.
As for the girl in the next booth, she’s at least 20 years old before she starts to understand what’s happening to her man. I silently wished him good luck and continued on my way. She has a very interesting and challenging journey ahead of her!
