I’m obsessed, crazy and in love right now! I can barely think of how to put my clothes on the right way. I’m forgetting to eat and sleep is completely irrelevant when you’re on my mind, devouring all my thoughts.
My stomach is in knots and I know I’ve checked my phone to see if your name is on the screen a thousand times in the last hour. Seconds feel like minutes and hours feel like a slow death when I haven’t had contact with you.
You mention the name of another woman and the murderer in me comes out, wanting to wrap you in an invisible cloak so that no one robs you. You have changed me, you have moved me to where all I want is to melt into you. I want to be part of you, feel every ounce of what drives me crazy.
When lust seeps into our soul, a whirlwind of sexual energy begins to build, which often confuses its host and leaves a path of destruction soon forgotten. Some of my worst decisions and financial burdens come from lust in those initial months of a new relationship.
In my manic obsession I have spent money that I did not have and I have fallen into a coma that lasts more hours than I have slept thinking about every curve of her body. I’ve lost myself in how her clothes fall off when I open them, the taste of her lips against mine, the smell of her skin, the warmth of her breath that turns my skin red and how when I’m naked against her body I soften into her and want to be lost forever.
What feeling? Completely overwhelming and addictive, people can drive us crazy and behave like caged animals wanting to escape. But is it healthy? And is it love or lust?
It’s very easy to confuse the two and often we don’t realize how much we’ve allowed our lives to become unmanageable due to our pretty distraction, so maybe some clarification will help! Looking at the breakdown of the emotional monster, lust tends to be selfish, domineering, self-centered, intense sexual desire, physical attraction, and we may even feel like our love drug is a cure for all our problems and unhappiness. .
When we are lustful, we put a lot aside to keep that passion bottled up inside of us. You’re not crazy if you’ve ever felt like you’re riding an endless roller coaster of mostly highs. You’re making a chemical called dopamine and it’s in full bloom in our brain, it’s a feel good chemical and it has a lot to do with sleep and appetite so those two are often affected.
Unfortunately, it is this madness that leads to pain; distraction takes our eyes off all the red flags and forgives the actions we’d jail our best friends for allowing to happen to them if the roles were reversed. Foolish optimism leads us into situations that can be dangerous and life-altering. But it feels so good!
I’m not trying to imply that we should avoid lust at all costs like a drug dealer on the street, but sometimes if you know something, you’ll think a little harder and act a little slower. Although some may disagree, I believe that lust can turn into love and sometimes if you’re lucky and with the right person, a wonderful, healthy love can develop.
A “perfect” love is where both of you are working to maintain the passion and are invested in each other, not just in the immediate gratification (although I’m not giving up the immediate gratification I get from ripping your clothes off and throwing you on the bed, sorry, that stays.)
This type of love is where you find your souls connect and are able to share and communicate differences as individuals and not as a misfit unit. There are no expectations but respect and the need to grow to be a better person. The sexual act is not just a desire that needs to be fulfilled, but the art of expressing the tender warmth and passion that exists in your relationship. Expressing love must be through communication, compassion, intimacy, and loyalty.
You will know true love and not lust, when you are not only attracted to every move she makes like a beautiful dance, but also when you are emotionally and intellectually compatible. She can make you laugh, think and challenge you to grow in your own way and you respect her with the same love.
I’m feeling hopeful so I’ll leave you with that, good luck and be great explorers of love my dears!
Alex Karydi ~ The lesbian guru
