Could the need to feel safe consume someone’s life if they experienced childhood trauma?

For some people on this earth, feeling safe is something that is a normal part of their life. This is not to say that someone like that never feels insecure; what it means is that this is something you will rarely experience.

However, while they probably don’t think about the fact that they generally feel safe, feeling this way will allow them to fully present themselves and live a life worth living. So your sense of security will be the foundation on which almost everything else is built.

Another experience

On the other hand, when someone doesn’t have a sense of security, they are unlikely to be able to fully embrace life or have a life worth living. The foundation on which all other parts of your life would be built just won’t be in place.

In other words, since the first element will not be in place, the rest of the elements will not be in place. And, even if they have built a life, it is unlikely that everyone will agree with it or that it will be a life that reflects who they really are.

A part

However, although one will live this way, it does not mean that they will realize that they do not feel safe. Instead, what is happening may be something they are used to.

As a result of this, it will cause problems for them, but there will be no reason for them to do anything about it. As far as they’re concerned, this can be seen as what life is like and something they just have to put up with.

Step back

In order for their life to change, they must be able to take a step back from what is happening. From here, they will be able to find a way to change their life so that they can develop a sense of security.

However, until this happens, they will continue to live a life that will not bring them much joy. It could be a lonely existence that feels like a curse or it could be an existence where they can experience ‘positive’ feelings from time to time by pleasing others.

Groundhog Day

When they are around other people, they can lose touch with how they feel and end up playing a role. The reason they may lose touch with how they feel is that they won’t feel safe enough to be in your body.

This is likely something that just happens rather than something that you consciously choose to do. As for playing a role, this will be a way for you to try to gain the approval of others.


Being in your body will be seen as an excessive risk; while being out of your body will be seen as the way to survive. This comes down to if they had to inhabit your body, it would be much more difficult for them to detect and avoid a threat.

Again, this is unlikely to be something you are aware of or are choosing to do. Their need to play a role or series of roles that allows them to please others is because they see other people as being in control of their own survival.

The alternative

If they settled in your body and allowed your life to be an expression of your true self (your feelings, values, and intuition, for example) or your entire being and not just the part of your being that relates to your survival, it is likely that they experience a lot of fear and anxiety, and even terror. Living on the surface of yourself and doing what you can to please others will be a way to stick together.

Still, while this will allow them to keep their inner world in check, there may be times when this is not the case. Like jam spread thinly on toast, anxiety could spread thinly throughout their life, making it difficult for them to feel comfortable.

A life of isolation

Another part of this is that they may have a great need to spend a lot of time away from others. This will prevent them from meeting some of your needs, but will allow them to calm down.

Thanks to how strong this need is, they may not even think about most of their other needs when they are alone. This can also be a way to recharge, as being around others could generally make them feel more deregulated than regulated.

What’s going on?

It might seem strange why someone would not feel safe and would need to spend most of their life in a disembodied state and a lot of time alone. The main problem is that they do not have a sense of security and this may show that they had a deeply traumatic childhood.

During their early years, they may have been abused and / or neglected weekly, if not daily. A time when they needed love, care, and protection to grow and develop would have been a time when they were pushed to the limit and all their resources were used to keep them alive.


Another way to get an idea of ​​what it was like for them would be for someone to imagine that one’s initial environment was like a war zone. The difference is that, unlike a soldier, they were helpless, extremely vulnerable and underdeveloped and therefore not fully equipped to handle what was happening.
If you can relate to this and are ready to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.

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