7 simple steps to flirting

Are you a flirt?

If not, you should be!

Flirting is a casual, no-commitment way to meet new people and show someone that you’re interested in getting to know them better. Without being open or loud, master your flirting techniques with these seven easy steps:

1. Choose your goal wisely

The guy or girl waiting to be seated in the restaurant seems interested… yes, he is definitely looking at you. But there’s a wedding ring on that hand, so forget it! Flirting only works (well, it should only work) with people who are single and interested in meeting new people. Don’t take it personally if they downplay you. Your mind could be a million miles away and timing is everything. Dust yourself off and try again!

2. Take the first step

Get physically close to the person without invading their personal space and say hello! Cheesy pick up lines and witty comments are not necessary. Just say hello and calculate the response you get. Tip: This direct approach is much more successful in neutral places like the grocery store, coffee line, or bookstore compared to bars and nightclubs.

3. Be confident

Even if the prospect of approaching a complete stranger to introduce yourself sends chills down your spine, keep your head up and disguise those knee bumps. You are an interesting person with a lot to offer a potential love interest…remember that! Also remember that not everyone is looking for a person like you, so if she doesn’t seem interested, be thankful that you can now cross her off your list, stop wondering what could have been, and move on.

4. Don’t forget your accessories

Accessories are interesting items that you carry with you. They are natural conversation starters and tell people a bit about their personality. It could be a fun piece of jewelry, a quirky hat, your favorite book…anything that sets you apart from everyone else. Look for accessories in others, too. That lady walking the cute dog really does carry an open invitation to come up to her and talk about her favorite pooch!

5. Start a conversation

Once you’ve said hello, introduce yourself and start a conversation. There’s always something to talk about…the long line you’re both standing in, the cool mural in the window of the store across the street, the downtown bakery that sells the best croissants. Your first few attempts to start a conversation with a stranger may be incoherent, clumsy flops…and that’s okay! To practice, get out of your own neighborhood, where you’re unlikely to run into these same people again. If the conversation doesn’t work out, say “Nice to meet you” and move on. Never apologize or seem frustrated…quietly walk away.

6. Smile and make eye contact

Your flirting attempt is sure to backfire if you stare at your shoes and mutter the whole time. Show your personality and friendly nature by being open and warm with your flirting partner. Avoid staring, but make eye contact for 2-4 seconds at a time, then look away. Focus your attention on them when they’re talking, and smile and nod to show that you’re actively listening. Be a good conversation partner.

7. Be complementary

Say something nice! Everyone loves to hear something good about themselves. Be careful with this one though; “Nice shoes” or “I like your hair” aren’t really the kind of sincere and genuine compliments you should be looking for. Try, “Wow, that’s a great book! You must be an avid reader,” implying that they must be smart. Or “What a fun necklace! Where in the world did you find that?” These compliments serve two purposes… they say something nice about the person you’re flirting with and leave an open question to draw them into a conversation. They’re also more personal than some generic nonsense about the stars in her eyes or that her hair looks golden.

Flirting takes practice, but it’s fun to learn how to do it right. Don’t push yourself into thinking that every time you flirt with someone, it has to end in a date or you’ve failed. Just learn to use this technique to meet as many new people as you can and one day you will find that interested person who willingly and enthusiastically flirts back!

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